Unbelievable

Well, it's been awhile but what brought me back to this site is my thoughts on the recent information that's crossed my mind about my school. My school, has been going through chancellors out the water lately because of illegal charges that's stayed on the scene like a bad odor. And lately, the recent chancellor is supposedly going to quit or get fired pretty soon and he's only been here for a lil over a year. The sad thing about this is that speculation is rising that if we don't our act together then the school will merge with another and our school will be lost. Now with all the bullcrap I put up with, as well as other students, with the financial aid office, housing office, registrar and other things, I think we can all agree that we still love this school. If we didn't or if we could, then we'd leave. But it's something about this school that leaves a stain on your heart that can't be washed away or removed. This school even with all of it's problems is a great school. Teachers who actually make sure you understand the lesson and don't just see you as a number. Chairpersons and deans that insure you get the help you request and are helped as fast as possible. I love coming to this school. There hasn't been a school I've attended that I liked as much as this one and even though it's colllege level and college is a lot different than normal pre-k through grade 12, it's still a school. The goal is the same, to do well in class and to make sure you graduate to prove that you can be dedicated and persue a four year degree. And I would hate to even think that the school I fell in love with before even getting accepted, is destroyed because people can't count money correctly, the students aren't being actively involved due to miscommunication and because this school is unable to stand on it's own two feet when historically, it's been standing on it's bare feet and has been deeply rooted in the community and the life story of this state. So, I do hope that if we lose our chancellor that we hire one who is going to change things in the positive and not keep tarnishing this school to the point where the state feels they have to step in and handle things like an adult because this school's board members and advisors are too childish and irresponsible.

Happy VDs

You know, living on a college campus while working to get your bachelor's enlightens you to the way people your age think. For example, what tomorrow ensures, a new found spread of STDs or as I call it, VD day. Every year, the same routine. Ratio of stragglers (people who club all night) goes up, guys start buying the most "heart touching" gift and usually up in the price, hoping to win the heart of a woman over enough to get what my friends and I say, "Instant Panties". I mean it's ridiculous. Here you have guys, girls, couples, etc, going out to buy gifts, wasting money on teddy bears, chocolate, and other assorted gifts, all to lead into five minutes of pleasure, two hours tops. I see it as nothing more than a financial mark up in sells for pictoral items of sexual arousal. It's really sad when a majority of people as a whole take the meaning of love and push the meaning of sex and reproduction into the center and then the forefront. No one talks about, oh me and my blah blah are going on a romantic date to someplace. Or we're going to cuddle at home. Nope! None of that. It's, I cant wait to get my groove on. The value of the holiday, if it should even truely be called that, has been reduced to a smoldering ash of a brainwashed death of what true love represents. You know a while ago, women always said, and some still do, chivalry is dead. Well, romance is definitely on life support in my opinion. When the essence of love, the one emotion that should bring peace, the one thing that was a gift from God and given to all of the creatures below, this one thing that should be cherished has been molested and raped into the economized society to mark it with a dollar bill to enhance revenue to those who seek profit among that which was never meant to be used as a means of income, it is truely a day to mourn. Because Valentine's Day isn't just Feb 14th. It isn't just a day to spend a night with the opposite sex or same sex in the name of a labeled market of love. It is a day that we reflect on who we are and what we are. It is a day to think who is truely in your heart not on your genitals. It is a day to truely be mindful of who is truely precious to you and not a one night stand. It is a day to be mindful of those who are your friends, family and if you have a significant other then to remember to not take that relationship for granted but to remember what made you fall in love with that person from the beginning. Valentine's day should be a day that is taken with serious sincerity each and every day and remembered the most on Feb 14th as a positive reinforcement for the whole world to take this day and put their spin on it. Not just couples. But I guess my words fall in vain to deaf ears and blind eyes when the consumers and market values increase their sales of chocolate and peppermints and other assorted valentine's day gifts that are poisoned with the mindset of eloping.

Seeking A New Purpose

You know the saying is that as you approach senior year, you catch a case of senioritis. A contagious disease that airs common sense and good judgement out of your brain. And while my finest moment of my life approaches, senioritis is not the disease I'm suffering from. It's not laziness, it's not boredom, it's not even discomfort. It's simply a declining recession in purpose, or my motivation. As each day goes on and on, I think to myself and look back at what I dream of doing and want to do but neither of which I have begun to accomplish. I feel like I'm stagnating. Like the whole world is a highway and everyone's driving and I'm stuck on the side of the road with a blown engine. Waiting for the tow truck to come and get me going again. I feel like I have no purpose, no drive anymore. And while I know this rant sounds like someone just standing on the sidelines and not even trying to do what he wants, looking without trying, it's not as simple. I'm in school learning to get a BA in Computer Science but what I really want to do is go into Game Programming. Ever since I was a kid, and realized that with hard work and dedication, I could be anything I wanted, I dreamed of making videogames and being able to have my name on it. Produced by me, or Written by me, or Edited by me, or chief designer by me. Since I've gotten to college I've planned and worked to learn and truely master my talents to not just be a programmer but to cover so many areas of making a game, that I would be able to bring more than 2 or 3 talents to the table. I'm not saying what they are in case someone trying to take my ideas but, just know that, I am not stupid. In this day and age where the job market is somewhere between Impossible and Jesus, you have to be able to bring something to table and not just be dependant on one skill in that field of choice you go into. But getting back to the point of all of this, while I know it seems like I'm just ranting on things I haven't tried, that isn't the total issue. While I sit here in school developing skills I need for my goals and dreams, I feel like the things I'm learning here are things I don't really need. I mean all I'm learning is the general background of my craft, I'm not learning the actual craft I wish to create. Kind of like learning about fighting, like how to punch, kick, block and dodge but not learning any specific martial art. And as more and more time passes by, I get more anxious by the minute. I'm ready to do things, I'm ready to go places I've never been before, I'm ready to work on games and say, I helped make that. Or that game was my idea! I'm ready to live. I'm ready to live the life, I dream day in and day out. I'm ready to step into my world, the vision of my future. I'm ready for so much and yet, I have to keep waiting and waiting to get out of this school, to get out of this state and to get a job offer. I have so much to wait for and yet, I've been waiting already for so long. When I was in high school, I didn't have any purpose, any good reason to be in school. I've never liked school one bit. But after talking to my parents, you know they began to see that I really didn't like school and had no reason, or drive. And after telling my dad and mom that you know, the slaves sacrifices, the things our ancestors went through, the whole racism, and hatred, everything about black history in this country all together wasn't enough of a reason to me because I had never known them. It wasn't like I was around to see it. I mean, it's depicted but that's all it is. It's never really shown what really happend this day and that month, at this time, because no one was around during that time. All we can get is a picture of that time period and a depiction through movies, music, stories, etc. But I never knew them. And to me it was a reason but I didn't get enough out of it to push me. And it wasn't until my father threatened me to go to the Community College if I didn't get into any schools that woke me up. And now that I got into college, it's hard finding reason to finish. I mean, of course my future is at stake and all that I've worked hard for, but it's just this whole environment is suffocating. It's truely suffocating. It feels like I'm drowning in a sea of old stale air and a place that never flows or move. I look around and so many of my friends are graduating, gettting married (or shacking up), or having children. I mean it's like I'm slowly becomming jealous of them and I don't want that. And it's not really that I'm jealous perse' just that I want to live my life that I know it's coming for me. But I guess all I can do is keep waiting and waiting, and praying that Jesus stays with me and keeps me close to Him.

A Small Reward

Well people, it's been two weeks since I started my workout schedual and I'm so happy to announce that I've lost four pounds! I was shocked to look at the scale and see that I had lost weight. I didn't think I had lost weight at all or anything. I thought it was going to say the same weight it had said two weeks ago. But with this proof, I feel so motivated to push myself even more now than ever. And even though my workout schedual is feeling lighter than before, I want to continue with this workout for at least one more week. But coming soon, my regiment will get harder. I plan to increase the amount and possible add two more sets so I go from doing three sets to five sets. But that's just thoughts in the moment. But for now, I shall continue my workout with the sole intention to get back in shape and to get toned. Weight will always be my third drive and just something to keep going for because if obviously if I continue doing what I'm doing, it will all come together anyway.

Personal Beef part 1

Wait just a minute! No, I didn't get into a fight. I merely wish to speak on something I have an issue with. Woman that club! Okay ladies, here is my dilemma. Now I'm no expert, and I'm not claiming to be, especially when I've only went to the club like two times in my 22 years of life and going on 5 years of college. So, here's the situation! Ladies, I am a nice guy, very polite, and giving. I will do just about anything for my friends and all I really want if I do go to the club, is to just get a dance with a beautiful lady and maybe some conversation. Not looking to take it to the bedroom, no I'm not trying to put a ring on your finger, and no I won't beat you up if you say no. So, after having a long drawn out debate with my imaginary Attorney General about why women dress so skimpy and yet have an attitude when a dude sees the secret in your victoria outfit. Now, do I condone or accept in any way a guy mistreating you and treating you like a hoe for wearing a hoe's uniform? No! OF COURSE NOT! But does that give you the right to act like a broad when a guy step to you and all he sees is your cleavage and size 40 behind? NO! OF COURSE NOT EITHER! Now, I understand ladies that there are times when all you want to do is go out with your girls, have fun, get loose and not mess with any guys and that's totally fine. Now reguardless of how much you want to establish your freedom to wear anything you want, you have to take the good with the bad. Meaning, that, if you feel like you can go wherever you want and wear whatever you want, then do mad at getting all the different kinds of attention you want because reguardless of how much you think every guy should be able to disreguard you, not every guy isn't a prowler, hunter, pedofile, and all things in between. So, with that said, if you don't want the unneeded attention then don't wear the clothes. My second issue is this, if you feel so compelled to wear the clothes, don't treat every guy like a dog. Now it's understandable that on both sides of the fence the woman knows she look good and the guy, but it's not always with a guy, "She look good. I want to sleep with her." Sometimes it's more, "she's cute but is she as smart as she's beautiful?" So we step to you to see if you willing to talk and see past our gender. You see ladies, the ball is always in your hands. When a guy comes to you, you can either say yes or no. So if you there to mingle, talk to some guys and dance with a couple, maybe leave with a number or two, and you wearing something revealing, then you have to be able to differentiate between the guys looking for sex and the guys looking to know you. But please don't be the hoe in the club or the sweet girl in a hoe's uniform acting scorned.